Week 7 of Fractal Tech's AI Accelerator & Engineering Bootcamp
This week, I sabotaged myself.
Why would someone do such a thing?
One of the most pervasive existential questions throughout my life has always been: "Why do people do things that they know are bad for themselves?"
We all have goals, we all have dreams, but from time to time, we all do things that clearly go against these things. And it's not necessarily in service of another dream - rather, sometimes we do things in order to seek pleasure, to seek instant gratification, sometimes out of habit, or out of spite or anger.
After a transformational first 6 weeks of bootcamp, what would drive me to sabotage myself?
It could be the lack of direction for the second half of bootcamp. After all, while the first 6 weeks are geared towards learning, upskilling, building confidence, etc., the second 6 weeks are supposed to be about putting those into action by doing externships and capstone projects.
After a few days of doing anything but the Career Week work I was supposed to be doing, I finally had the realization that maybe I was sabotaging myself so that I didn't have to feel the negative emotion associated with putting myself out there.
It's just another fear, another confrontation.
At first, this made me think that I haven't made any progress since Week 1, when I came to a similar realization, but that was quickly ammended by this thought: "Such is life, an endless stream of problems to solve. The recurrence of negative emotions isn't a sign that you're doing something wrong, but rather that life is about never giving up, always fighting the good fight."